The 2009 Dan Awards

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - I Corinthians 15:57

THE DAN AWARDS - 2009

For those of you that don't know, every year for the past five or six years, the day before my birthday I reveal my picks for the best and worst things in the previous year of my life. There are some odd categories, there are some odd winners and for that matter odd losers. Categories come and go as I see fit, and I make no apologies for any award or diss that is distributed - these are the Dan Awards, and if you don't like them, I really don't care. So if you choose to keep reading, know that these awards might mention you. You might not like what you see, but that is what the comment section is for. If you happen to win an award, feel free to leave an acceptance speech in the message board section. If Kanye West has anything to say, at least he cannot interrupt you, but he can post whatever he wants if he disagrees with my choice in any category. And for what it's worth, I don't like Taylor Swift either.

Welcome to the 2009 Dan Awards. If I was to choose a host for this show, that honor would go to the first recipient of a Dan Award:

Dan Award for Person Who I Would Most Like to Host This Show:

Tina Fey - With impeccable comic delivery, and intelligent humor to boot, she is long overdue for a hosting gig, so I officially want to offer this up to her.

But since you're stuck with me, I alas, am going to host the rest of these awards.

As an avid movie fan, I feel it only appropriate to next reveal my favorite movie that I watched in the past year of my life (note that all the awards are from things that happened from September 27th, 2008 - September 26th, 2009). There were many great contenders, but....

Dan Award for Movie That Totally Rocked This Past Year:

Slumdog Millionaire - Maybe it's because I love game shows. Maybe it's because I love underdog stories. Maybe it's because Danny Boyle could direct a movie about the origin of dental floss and I'd still watch it. Or maybe it's just a little of everything that makes a movie both entertaining and important. I loved this movie, and told more people to see this than any other movie I've seen. I own this and have watched it four times since it's release in theaters, and it hasn't grown less appealing to me in the least. A close runner up for me is "Away We Go" - it comes out on DVD next week and if you haven't seen it - I would highly recommend it!

Dan Award for Movie That I Hated the Most This Past Year:

The Last House on the Left - Horror movies are supposed to be bad. The premise of this film seemed interesting, so my friend Manda and I gave it a try. I cannot speak for her, but I was absolutely disgusted and bored by the remake of a horror classic. Some horror movies are stupid fun, but this was just awful and full of offensive material. Avoid it!

Dan Award for Best SCRIPTED Television Show:

I LOVE "30 Rock" - and that wins. Hands down. There isn't a smarter, more consistent comedy on the air now. For three seasons, it's remained pitch-perfect and provides me week after week of laughter that is often so absent in my life. I am so thankful for this show, and I wish there were more like it.

Dan Award for Best REALITY Television Show:

Okay, so, many of you expect me to pick "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." Well, meaning no disrespect, I am going to give the award to "The Amazing Race." I just love the show, and even though I wasn't ON the thing, I am not going to sit here and pretend "my show" was better. Even though this past season didn't end in a victory for Margie and Luke, my favorites from week one, it was still a great roller coaster ride of a season and I cannot wait for TOMORROW when the new season begins.

Dan Award for Most Promising New Show of This Fall:

""30 Rock" still holds the title for best first episode of a sitcom, but "Modern Family" on ABC comes pretty darn close to taking that title away. The characters were all likable and hilarious, and the first episode has me crossing my fingers that they didn't use up all of their good material right away.

Dan Award for Television Show That Was So Bad I Wouldn't Watch More Than One Episode:

This is a recent award, and it goes to the show "Absolutely On Purpose." Just when the joy of "How I Met Your Mother" is sinking in, this piece of garbage comes on like a bad seed in a funny lineup. Jenna Elfman, who seems cool enough, cannot save some of the worst sitcom writing I've ever heard delivered. And let me just warn you Courtney Cox - your crappy little "Cougar Town" almost got this.

Dan Award for Best CD That I Purchased Legally:

First of all, I never download or rip music I haven't paid for. So that being said, my most satisfying CD purchase of the last year would go to Day and Age by the Killers. I love this CD. From Joy Ride to Human, Dustland Fairytale to Neon Tiger, the CD is packed of songs that I know I'll listen to for years to come.

Dan Award for Song of the Year:

From the above winner, "Joy Ride" by the Killers is a great song that seems designed to speed on the highway with. If I wasn't a grandma driver, I might do just that. Listening closely to the lyrics, the song might be about hiring a cheap hooker in Vegas, so I chose to just not listen to the lyrics closely.

Dan Award for Best Concert That I Attended:

Yes, it's a Killers sweep. I saw them twice this year, and they pretty much solidified themselves as my favorite group.

Now shifting gears to the more unconventional awards.

Dan Award for Celebrity Who Annoyed Me the Most (aka Dr. Phil Award):

Part of me doesn't want to even acknowledge this person AS a celebrity as basically he's just an overpaid blogger who is about as classy as the Vegas hooker I mentioned above, but Perez Hilton is seriously one of the biggest d-bags I've ever had the misfortune of hearing blab about anything. While I am not a Carrie Prejean fan, the former Miss California incident was just the tip of the iceberg. He's rude, more notable than he should be, and believes in free speech only when it applies to gays - it ticks me off.

Dan Award for Best Accomplishment of My 25th Year:

This is a big one, and I think you all know what it's going to be. Getting to be a part of a major network reality show has been a dream of mine since I saw the very first episode of the very first season of "Survivor." I knew that I wanted to be the part of something like that. I had thought about applying to a lot of different shows, but due to time constraints and equipment issues, I just never got to sending in an audition tape for quite some time. Then this past January I read on a message board that "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" was casting, and while I was far from a fan of the show, I applied via a very simple paragraph e-mail. Within a day, I had a callback...and then an interview...and then another interview...and then another interview in LA...and then well, and then the rest is history. While I may not have won the money, I had the time of my life. It was stressful, intense, and I still have a scar, but looking back on the adventure I have only positive thoughts. Watching the show on television was the highlight of my summer, and I'm sort of sad it's all over. But more than that, I am just so thankful to God for the opportunity to fulfill a dream.

Now for the Friends Section:

Dan Award for Best New Friend:

This is a tough call. I award this to someone that I've met for the first time in the past year, or someone who I've reconnected with that is now a good friend. This year, I am going to call this a tie between Linda, Megan, Cathy, and Bobaloo - my co-contestants on "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." Meaning no disrespect to the others (well, a little to a couple), these four were the people I clicked with the best both in Japan, and then post show taping. These are four really awesome people whose friendship means so much to me. I would also like to send a special thank to the 265 facebook fans that I have - you're awesome and I appreciate all of you!!

Dan Award for Kindest Unexpected Gesture From a Friend:

I've had some awesome friends do some awesome things for me, so if you're one of those friends reading this and you didn't win this award, please don't be offended. The winner is Megan Bentley. Having made it further than I did on "ISAJGS", Megan was able to 'rescue' my bib from the show - the one with my name in English and Japanese that I wore in many of the challenges. Well, not only did she bring the bib back to America, but she had it framed!!!! I mean seriously, who does that??!!!! She is amazing, and if I could afford to buy her long blonde extensions, I would.

Dan Award for Friend Who, Out of Nowhere, Was a Jerk:

This is a tie between Phil and Karina. These are two people that I play poker with. Here's why - (**RANT ALERT**) so the other night, I get home from work and spend two hours cleaning my freaking apartment for poker night. SO THEN these two d-bags cancel twenty minutes before the game begins - causing the game not to happen for lack of players. What was worse, I had turned down alternate evening plans BECAUSE of poker, and when they cancelled at the last minute, I was left, well, fuming and alone for the night. And I found this out in a text...from one of their closer friends who knows me. So not only did they bail, they didn't have the courtesy to even let me know first hand. IF they ever play again at my place, I hope they get beaten like like a small piñata at a party of fat kids.

Dan Award for Friendship That Was Further Cultivated Due to Facebook:

This year this one goes to Tammy Thompson. Not only was she a huge support system through the whole game show adventure, she is one of the few people that has stayed in touch after the whole thing ended. She rocks!

Dan Award for Most Uplifting Friend:

Everybody in the world needs a Lora King in their life. I met her in college, and she is one of the only people I still talk to almost every week. She is an incredible person, and even when she's going through crap in her life, she is always more concerned what's going on in the lives of others. She is truly a blessing.

Dan Award for Friend Who Seemingly Spends the Most Time on Social Networking Sites Playing Useless Games:

This goes to Bill Sellers. If I get one more "I'm looking for the Ace of Hearts" in Mafia Wars, or "Beat My Score - Rack or Crack?" request, I swear I'm going to go through the roof....haha, just kidding.

and the biggest award.....

Dan Award for Friend of the Year:

She's won this award many times, and again, she defends her title. Lora King, as mentioned above, is one of the kindest and most caring people one will ever meet. She is an inspiration to keeping your head held high when the going gets tough, and my life would suck without her. I just wrote then and then totally thought of that Kelly Clarkson song and want to clarify to that there was no intention. Lora, thank you for being such a great friend!!

In Memoriam:

This past year has also had some sad losses. My dog Taffy for one, which was really sad. And while I am not one to get all worked up over a celebrity death, when Natasha Richardson died in the skiing accident, I couldn't help but feel for the family.

Closing 25th Year Remarks:

My 25th year might go down as one of my best. It was full of amazing things happening. I got to see Senator Barack Obama become President Barack Obama. I have wanted Obama to become president since his senate run, so that was a real thrill. Getting to attend the inauguration was like being there as history was being written. I got to play in a small stakes Vegas poker tournament in which I came in third out of 59 - might not be much to some, but it was awesome to me. I moved into a new and far better apartment than the danger zone of my last place. And of course, I was on "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." So all in all, this year has been pretty darn awesome.

Looking to 26:

How could 26 get better than 25? 27 is my favorite number, but 26 is just, eh, eh, eh. I am worried about my job security in this tough economic climate. I'm still single. I'm having the hardest time finding a church. And I contractually cannot be on another reality show!!! :-) But I'm going to take it one day at a time. My outlook for 25 surely didn't include being on a reality show, so who knows. I'm sure God has some things planned for me - some good, some bad. I'll just take these things as they come. Did any of you get to this point in this mile long blog post?? Good for you - you win the Dan Award for Putting Up With Dan's Blogging.

And with that, we now rejoin your local news.

"They band together against the righteous and condemn the innocent to death." - Psalm 94:21

MOVIE REVIEWS:

So my car has been in the shop for the last week, so I decided to walk to nine or so miles today to see a double feature. Both films that I saw were grim, dark, and sort of pointless, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

"Sorority Row" is the latest in the "put college kids into a setting where they get killed one by one" genre, and it starts more creatively than most films of it's kind. When a prank goes terribly wrong, a group of sorority sisters make a pact to keep the accidental death of one of their own a secret. But of course, pretty girls will talk, and there begins the tale. When the girls and their friends begin turning up dead, there are a million suspects - including the dead girl. The plot serves only to weave in one death after another, but I must say, for my money I laughed out loud more than once and was mildly entertained. It's gory, it's disgusting, and it's really not worth seeing unless you like horror movies, but overall I would give it * * out of * * * *.

"9", being a film on my "Five Films to See This Fall" list, is a brilliantly animated, yet curiously boring film from, among others, Tim Burton. If even half of the time they spent bringing these characters to life was spent on developing a story for said characters, we would have had something truly special. The film is beautiful to look at, but there is really else (kind of like some people I know.). The weak story involves puppet creatures trying to destroy a machine - there's the story in a nutshell. I would give "9" * * 1/2 out of * * * *.

Peace and happy movie-watching!

"Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit." - Matthew 7:17

Sorry folks for the two week gap between this normally loyal blogger. There has been so much going on in my life lately - some good, some bad - that I just needed a break. Things are good now, so I thought I would give you .....

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Tyler Perry has created for himself a niche film empire that is both maddeningly successful and ridiculously cheesy. That being said, if you go to see one of his movies, and watch the film from the heart instead of from the brain, a TP movie can be a rewarding, enjoyable experience. "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" is the latest the collection of Perry's films that made me wish for a slightly more polished script, but still left me feeling happy. The story centers around a woman who has turned to alcohol and an abusive boyfriend to fill the voids in her life, and when her three nephews literally show up on her doorstep, how she deals with this drastic shift.

Unlike most other TP films, this one has multiple musical numbers which are really entertaining, with Mary J. Blige's singing of the title song leading the way as most impressive. I was not a fan of the ending - the film took it's time to tell the story but then quickly wrapped things together in an almost "roll your eyes" manner. That being said, I am not sorry to have seen this - I would give "ICDBABM" * * * of * * * *.

Ten years ago, the film "Office Space" hit theaters, and totally failed to find an audience. On DVD however, the film took on a life of it's own, and is now a comedy classic. I am one of the millions of fans who own the DVD, and quote the film often. From "Someone has a case of the Mondays" to "Pieces of Flair" to "TPS Reports" to "Um, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhh", the film is probably the most quotable comedy of all time. Mike Judge waited ten years and then released his new movie upon us all. I was so excited about the release of this movie, thinking"if they've waited so long to create something new, they must be waiting to get everything just right." So I went to see "Extract" on it's opening weekend, excited, ready to laugh, and well, it sucked. It just really wasn't funny. There were a few good moments, but I mean, when you have such a great cast and such a great writer, you just expect to laugh more than just the scenes you've already laughed at while watching the trailer. I'm not going to get into it, but bottom line is wait for DVD to catch the couple amusing moments, but don't get your hopes up. I would give "Extract" * * out of * * * *.